The Card Guy

Your Instagram profile is basically the Louvre for playing cards—except instead of inspiring awe, it makes people wonder if you’ve ever spent time with actual humans. With 582 posts, you’ve turned an ordinary deck of cards into an epic saga no one asked to follow. The “BBQ connoisseur” part of your bio feels like a desperate attempt to balance out the card obsession, but let’s be real—your grill is probably just another prop for your next card photo. If collecting cards was an Olympic sport, you’d be the gold medalist that everyone admires but no one really understands.